How To Foster An Environment For Successful Communications With Your Child
How To Foster An Environment For Successful Communications
With Your Child
Copyright 2005 Dr. Charles Sophy
Keep 'Em Off My Couch
http://drsophy.com
As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked
by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like
the question, we would never think of ignoring the child.
We do not accept improper communication as acceptable
behavior. Most parents, however, are quick to excuse or
overlook the behavior of their child when he / she reacts
the same way and are often left wondering when the lines of
communication broke.
Picture this: Five year-old Jason is riding home from school
with his father. Jay's favorite CD, the Shrek soundtrack,
is in the player and while he usually sings along, today he
doesn't appear to be paying attention to it. Two blocks
away from their house, they pass the softball field where a
game is in progress. Dad announces "Jay, when we get home,
you're going to need to clean-up all the toys on the floor
in your room. We wouldn't want anyone to fall." Jay doesn't
respond. Dad knows that cleaning up toys is one of Jay's
least favorite activities so he waits a few moments and
tries again. Still no response.
In the pause between tracks on the Shrek CD, Dad tries to
get Jay's attention again by simply speaking louder, keeping
his tone warm and pleasant. And again, his comment is met
with no acknowledgement from his child. Turning on to their
street, Dad loses his patience and raises his voice, barking
a command that Jay is to march straight to his room and
clean up his toys "for the fourth time!" Jolted to action,
Jay rushes out of the car when they return home and heads
straight to his room, not emerging until dinner time.
The interaction between Jay and his father is the result of
a non-verbal agreement between them. Reinforced by previous
similar exchanges, Jay's parents have fostered an
environment where they have tolerated his lack of response
to their directions, and he has learned that his lack of
communication is acceptable behavior.
Children are by nature easily distracted and not always
responsive to their environment. It is the responsibility
of the parent to emphasize positive patterns of
communication and ensure the child learns that ignoring
communication is not acceptable. Early prevention, in the
form of educating your child about the proper forms of
communication, is the key to ensuring that the non-verbal
agreement does not take hold.
If your child has already grown accustomed to this style of
communication, here are some essentials to assist you in
addressing the situation:
Talk: To your child, and explain to them in age-appropriate
terms how they are communicating and why it doesn't work.
Show: Your child how to communicate effectively, even when
the questions are hard. Role-play a conversation to show
them a more effective way to communicate.
Practice: Be sure you are aware of yourself and the way in
which you communicate to others. Children model adult
behaviors. Be sure you are not guilty of poor patterns of
communication with your spouse or parenting partner.
Be Consistent: Be constant in the manner in which you
communicate with you child. Send the same message with each
and every interaction. Allow your child to see that you will
call their attention to those times that the unwanted
behavior rears its ugly head.
Remember: Kids will be kids and they will sometimes be
distractive and non-communicative. You are the expert in
knowing your child's behavior and can best judge the
improvement in their communications. The best way to ensure
healthy communication patterns is to model positive
communication skills.
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) 2005 Dr. Charles Sophy
Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for
the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family
Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety
and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a
private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California.
Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate
Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of
California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His
lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the
best by those in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep `Em Off My Couch"
blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's
biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental
health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at
http://drsophy.com. This article is free for republishing
Source: http://www.articlealley.com/article_7892_40.html
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